Thriving in the Midst of Loss

To say church life comes with both highs and lows would be an understatement. There is seemingly always this emotional rollercoaster that is part of what it means to live in community. There are those times of great joy as the hand of God reaches into congregational life and does what only he can do. At the other end of the spectrum, there are those times of difficulty that are inevitably and deeply experienced. 

This is arguably even more true in the life of the pastor. We are called to come alongside those we serve through joy, sorrow, and everything in between. We carry a relational and spiritual connection with our parishioners that is both fulfilling and weighty. It’s a journey we experience but cannot explain. 

There is in fact so much joy in ministry. There are baptisms to celebrate, weddings we share with happy families, the privilege of witnessing broken lives put back together, the miracle of praying with someone who had decided to follow Jesus, and so much more. We are right to celebrate!

But (isn’t there always a but?), a sense of loss is something we also experience as we walk with those we serve. We grieve every time someone makes the choice to leave our church. It’s so difficult not to take each of those times personally. Sometimes those who leave are the ones we have poured so much into. At times they are those who have been among our supporters and encouragers. They may be among those who have contributed significantly to the church financially. It seems that every time someone leaves, there is a hole to fill in the church and often one in our own lives. The loss is real. 

We experience loss in so many other ways. Parishioners we love die, conflict fractures relationships, marriages fail, people we love make destructive choices, hurting people withdraw from connection, families move away, supporters become critics, critics voices are amplified, you get the idea. Loss is inevitable in the life of the pastor. 

All this raises a key question. How can we maintain our joy in the midst of what seems like constant loss? Is it possible to flourish, to experience the abundance of life Jesus came to give, when it ministry gets hard?

Here are some thoughts about how to thrive in the midst of loss:

• Become aware of the impact loss has on us. Because of the myriad of emotions that accompany the life of the pastor, it is at times difficult to identify the loss we feel. Some years ago, I found myself in next town over from a new and exciting pastoral assignment. It was one of those days where I had two funerals in the same town, but I knew neither of the deceased. Yet, I found myself overwhelmed with a sadness that was new to me. After some time of reflection between the funerals, I realized I was experiencing grief – not for those whose funerals I was officiating but for the loss of my previous ministry assignment and those I had loved and served for years. 

I was confused – I had chosen this new place to serve, why was I so sad? It was grief at the loss that was simply part of ministry. Grief is an unavoidable companion in the journey of pastoral ministry. Each loss, whether personal or within our congregation, leaves its mark on our hearts. Yet, in the midst of our grief, we find the seeds of resilience. By embracing our grief and allowing ourselves to mourn, we create space for healing. 

• Foster a culture of community in your life. Ministry can be lonely, even in the best of times. Loss can heighten our sense of loneliness exponentially. Thriving in ministry is almost impossible without the support of community. Engage with your ministry peers, risk being vulnerable to others about what you are going through. Relationships with our Christian family is the context in which healing takes place. Don’t be a lone ranger. Doing ministry in isolation is nothing short of dangerous. 
• Cultivate flourishing through spiritual practices. Our ability to navigate loss with resilience is deeply intertwined with our spiritual practices. Prayer, meditation, scripture reading, and worship are not just rituals; they are lifelines that sustain us in the midst of life’s storms. By prioritizing our spiritual well-being, we cultivate the resilience needed to weather the inevitable challenges of ministry. The simple truth is that there is a profound and fundamental connection between our thriving and our walk with Jesus. We navigate loss so much better when we have been close to him. 
• Allow hope to be your anchor. Without hope, there is little capacity to flourish in life and ministry. Gratefully, hope is at the core of our faith. God’s promises are absolutely true. His presence is an ever-present reality. Our future is secure in him. Biblical hope is far more than wishful thinking. It is inherently and fully trustworthy and our capacity to live in that hope is deeply imbedded in the reality of Jesus’ resurrection and experienced as we know him better and better. It is that hope that fills our hearts in the midst of loss. 

Yes, loss is inevitable in the life of the pastor. We experience loss not only in our pastoral roles but in our personal lives as well. I am in the process personally of coping with loss related to my vision. I am not an expert when it comes to navigating this, but I am learning. I am learning that as I practice what I am sharing with you, while loss remains, that sense of life and joy and thriving finds its way into my heart. 

So, recognize your loss. Confess it, seek God’s face in the midst of it. Live a life of community with peers, friends, and fellow believers. Walk with Jesus. Abide in hope. In so doing, with the Psalmist you will be able to proclaim that weeping might last for a night but joy comes in the morning.